After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
why do cheetos always look like penises
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
