i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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