can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
