just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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