it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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