hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
