I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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