Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
