I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
