I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
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