we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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