He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
