I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
