Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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