I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
