Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
