I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
