You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
this is an emotional support booty call
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
