it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
