i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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