just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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