Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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