i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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