Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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