That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I could make wine with my vomit
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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