I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
