my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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