Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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