1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
