nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
