fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
