I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
