How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
