went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
