it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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