we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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