Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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