You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
