How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
