DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
