eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
They have beer where we have blood.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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