I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
