she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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