LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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