if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize