Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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