He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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