I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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