You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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