# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
