sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
