I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
True but thats because hes a fetus.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
