Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
