Who did Billy Mays play for?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
