theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
