Screwed.edu
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
