how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
