A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I believe in your delicious
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
