he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
