hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
