I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
