hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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