I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
