he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
