i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
there is puke in my bra ... again
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