Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
